List of My Wife and Kids episodes
Series overviewSeason Episodes Originally aired Premiere Finale DVD release date 1 11 2001 March 28, 2001 May 9, 2001 February 24, 2009 2 29 2001 – 2002 September 26, 2001 May 22, 2002 May 11, 2010 3 27 2002 - 2003 September 25, 2002 May 21, 2003 TBA 4 30 2003 – 2004 September 24, 2003 May 26, 2004 TBA 5 25 2004 – 2005 September 21, 2004 May 17, 2005 TBA Season 1 Pilot The Truth Hurts 3 3 "Grassy Knoll" Ted Wass Adam Hamburger April 4, 2001 (2001-04-04) W709 Jay is trying to get rid of some old clothes, so after Michael opposes to that she and him make a deal that everything that is not worn by the end of the week has to go. Meanwhile, Junior is trying to learn how to play the guitar and his friend janice convinces him to smoke pot. Kady gets angry at Claire for avoiding her. 4 4 "Of Breasts and Basketball" Leonard R. Garner, Jr. Eunetta T. Boone April 4, 2001 (2001-04-04) W707 Michael doesn't take it well when he loses at basketball. Meanwhile, stupid Claire thinks the best way to attract boys is to have bigger breasts, so she buys a "DD" padded bra, much to the dislike of Jay who punishes her for doing so. 5 5 "Making the Grade" Leonard R. Garner, Jr. Adam Hamburger April 11, 2001 (2001-04-11) W702 Jr. gets an F in Algebra and forges it into an A. Claire finds out about it and soon starts to blackmail Jr. so she won't tell their parents. But Michael and Janet are smarter than that and decide to teach Jr. a lesson by "toying" with him. After numerous attempts, Janet decides to take her own action to get it out of Claire... 6 6 "Working It" James Widdoes Joshua Krist & Eric Lev April 11, 2001 (2001-04-11) W710 Michael hires an attractive girl to tutor Junior in math and later regrets his actions. Also, Jay doesn't like the direction her relationship is going with Claire who is turning into a typical teenager. 7 7 "Snapping and Sniffing" Philip Charles MacKenzie J.J. Wall April 18, 2001 (2001-04-18) W712 Jr. is having problems at school with a bully, so Michael and Janet invite his parents over to discover some of the kid's weak points. Jr. teases the kid back and Claire punches him in the nose making Jr. is feeling humiliated. Meanwhile, Michael tells Janet she is not around enough, and she starts to realize that when she misses Kady's first tooth and her new "smell the cushions" thing. 8 8 "He Said, She Said" Leonard R. Garner, Jr. Erica Montolfo April 18, 2001 (2001-04-18) W704 Jay wants Michael to quit watching TV and spend a little more time with the family - something that apparently only she wants. But Michael insists on watching a basketball game. When Jay talks to him, he doesn't pay any attention and later Jay repays the favour. When the evening comes and they are ready to go out for dinner, Jay apologizes for not paying any attention and they decide to leave the kids alone. But will they pay any attention to their parents? 9 9 "Breaking Up and Breaking It" Leonard R. Garner, Jr. Howard J. Morris April 25, 2001 (2001-04-25) W705 Claire develops her first real crush on a boy, and Michael does everything to break them up. He takes a different approach by becoming friends with him, to the point where the boy wants to spend more time with Michael then with Claire. After Claire dumps him, Jay makes Michael dump him too. Ever since his hormones kicked in, Jr. spends most of the day in the bathroom, until he "breaks" his toy and has to take some time out. Note: Andrew McFarlane plays Roger in this episode. Although, from "Letting Go" (season 2) onwards he will be portraying Tony Jeffers. 10 10 "A Little Romance" Leonard R. Garner, Jr. Don Reo & Damon Wayans May 2, 2001 (2001-05-02) W703 Michael's brother Ken (Keenen Ivory Wayans) comes to visit and brings his newest girlfriend. Michael envies his brother because his own sex life became a little boring - Jay keeps asking for more spontaneity and Michael doesn't know what to do. Meanwhile, Claire is worried about winning a dancing contest. She's not satisfied with Jr. being the only one with trophies to show around, and despite her father's dissatisfaction with her dance moves, she manages to get a second place - which is not exactly what she hoped for. 11 11 "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow" Philip Charles MacKenzie Don Reo May 9, 2001 (2001-05-09) W713 Michael's accountant dies suddenly, making him take a whole new perspective about his life. He buys a wig (or a hair piece as he like to call it) and starts to demonstrate his love for his family in a weird way. He even buys a motorcycle and an RV, in a misguided effort to live life to its fullest. Season 2 edit Season 2: 2001–2002Series # Season # Title Directed by Written by Original air date Prod. code Mom's Away (Part 1) Mom's Away (Part 2) No Rules Perfect Dad 16 5 "Thru Thick and Thin" James Widdoes Alyson Fouse October 17, 2001 (2001-10-17) W718 Jay returns home from taking care of her mom's injury, and she's put on a few pounds after eating mom's home cooking. Michael doesn't know how to 'diplomatically' tell his wife that she's packing a little bit extra. The episode builds to a dream sequence, in which Janet imagines that the entire family is tremendously overweight. 17 6 "He Heard, She Heard" James Widdoes Buddy Johnson October 24, 2001 (2001-10-24) W720 Claire asks her parents to go to a party, but Michael won't let her. Jay thinks he should trust his daughter more, so he lets her spend the night over at Erica's. When he picks up the phone, he ‘accidentally' listens to Claire's conversation, where she says she'll fool Michael and go to the party. Michael sets up a scheme to catch her, but Kady overhears it. Claire bribes her sister so she'll page her when Michael leaves the house, but Claire isn't the only one who can bribe... 18 7 "Michael's Garden" James Widdoes James Vallely October 31, 2001 (2001-10-31) W719 Michael has been having problems in the bathroom trouble so has to have a colonoscopy and his troubles aren't eased when he has a strange dream about what may occur... 19 8 "Let Them Eat Pie" James Widdoes Janis Hirsch November 7, 2001 (2001-11-07) W721 After playing a game where Claire eats Michael's pie he gets his revenge by only letting them eat pie. Also Michael doesn't plan on sticking to the promise he made to Jay. 20 9 "Jay Gets Fired" James Widdoes James Hannah November 14, 2001 (2001-11-14) W723 The girls' trip to Jay's work isn't quite what they expected but this works out well for Michael. 21 10 "The Whole World is Watching" James Widdoes Don Reo November 21, 2001 (2001-11-21) W722 Jay buys Jr. computer appliances (including a 24-hour broadcast webcam), and Michael protests saying he'll only use it for porno instead of studying. They start to fight over who's in charge, and make up on Jr.'s room, unaware that they're being seen through Jr.'s website by the entire world. The next day, Jr. discovers what his parents did, and seeing the unlimited reach of the internet, Michael decides to use it for promoting his business. 22 11 "Letting Go" James Widdoes Craig Wayans November 28, 2001 (2001-11-28) W724 Kady has acquired a hamster and Claire has a crush on a boy named Tony. Both developments pose parental challenges for Michael and Jay. The hamster dies and Michael wishes Claire's new beau would follow suit. 23 12 "Learning to Earn It" James Widdoes Bruce Fine December 12, 2001 (2001-12-12) W725 Michael decides to teach the kids how to handle money due to their inability of spending their allowance money wisely. He proposes that each kid comes up with their own business, and at the end of the week he'll double whatever profit they make. 24 13 "Quality Time" James Widdoes Alyson Fouse January 16, 2002 (2002-01-16) W727 Jay is annoyed with Michael who feels that after spending time with her, he's entitled to some alone time - an opinion shared by the marriage counselors they end up seeing. Meanwhile, Jr. wonders why Claire suddenly wants to hang out with him and his friends. 25 14 "Get Out" James Widdoes Dean Lorey January 23, 2002 (2002-01-23) W726 Michael is on a mission — to get his notoriously late family dressed and ready to go to a wedding in 15 minutes, but everybody has some sort of problem that keeps them from getting fully ready. 26 15 "Road Trip" James Widdoes Rodney Barnes January 30, 2002 (2002-01-30) W728 Jay organizes a historic trip to Paul Revere's house for the entire family to learn more about American history. She even packs colonial food (which Michael hates) to give it an extra touch. Michael, unlike Jay, isn't so excited about spending a long time with Jay and Claire in a car. The reason? They're both on that time of the month, which spells trouble! 27 16 "Table for Too Many (Part 1)" James Widdoes Buddy Johnson February 6, 2002 (2002-02-06) W729 Michael is forced to take the family out for a meal but really begrudges it as it will cost him a lot of money. Michael gets ever more annoyed as they keep spending money on nothing and when the service is poor, Michael has had enough... 28 17 "Table for Too Many (Part 2)" James Widdoes Buddy Johnson February 6, 2002 (2002-02-06) W730 The concluding chapter in Michael's disastrous evening where things don't get better as the family they have to sit with are the wrong side of annoying. 29 18 "Double Date" James Widdoes Don Reo February 13, 2002 (2002-02-13) W731 Claire wants to go on her first date with Tony, but Michael is reluctant to let her. So he decides he and Jay should also go with them to the movies so they can check on Tony. Meanwhile, Jr.'s at home babysitting for Kady and decides to take advantage of her. 30 19 "Failure to Communicate" Leonard R. Garner, Jr. Don Reo & Damon Wayans February 20, 2002 (2002-02-20) W706 Michael's parents come to visit him, but Michael is worried about the way they treat each other and how that is reflecting on his own children. After a disastrous attempt to fix things, Michael and Jay finally decide to let things the way they were. Meanwhile, Jay and Michael worry about Jr.'s rush to have sex and his new girlfriend. Note: This episode was originally intended to air in season one, but for unknown reasons, ABC pulled back to season 2. Which is why Jazz Raycole portrays Claire, making this episode her very final appearance in the series. 31 20 "Papa Said Knock You Out" Wil Shriner Damien Wayans February 27, 2002 (2002-02-27) W732 Michael freaks out when he spots a grey hair, but not on his head. He feels he's getting too old, and decides to practice boxing again to get in shape. He even teaches Jr. some tricks and some punches, until Jr. knocks Michael out, giving him a black eye. Meanwhile, Claire is ready to go on her first date with Tony, and Jr. mishears their conversation and thinks they're having sex. 32 21 "Return of the Wall" Andy Cadiff James Vallely March 4, 2002 (2002-03-04) W733 Jay is coaching Kady's soccer team but the girls complain it's not any fun and Michael tries talking to Jay about it. He ends up taking over coaching the team and promises to make it fun for the girls. Jay breaks the news that she's been asked to coach another team, and they'll be playing Michael's on Saturday. 33 22 "Working Relationship" James Widdoes Janis Hirsch March 20, 2002 (2002-03-20) W734 Jay's feeling bored ever since she was fired. She can't think of anything else to do around the house, and won't let Michael watch the Jordan game until he hires her as the new accountant at his firm. What comes as a great idea for Jay turns out to be a nightmare for Michael, because Jay wants to turn his morning ritual into running errands; takes over his office and gives the employees way more breaks than they should get. Meanwhile, Claire tries to show Kady that E.T. is not so scary. 34 23 "Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius" James Widdoes Rodney Barnes March 27, 2002 (2002-03-27) W735 After receiving Jr.'s SATs score results (a perfect 1600), the Kyles believe they have a genius in the house and start treating him more respectfully. Meanwhile, Jay asks the girls what they to be when they get older. Claire wants to shop, and Kady wants to be an officer, so she starts practicing it around the house. 35 24 "Back Story" John Bowab Kim Wayans April 3, 2002 (2002-04-03) W736 When the kids tease Michael about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim. Later Jay finds out about his antics and plays a practical joke back on Michael. 36 25 "Make Over" Jonathan Schmock Dean Lorey May 1, 2002 (2002-05-01) W737 Jay and Michael are grocery shopping when they run into Susan Green, former cheerleader from their high school. Susan is in great shape, which makes Jay feel ugly and inadequate like she did back in high school. Jay feels depressed and Claire talks her into getting a makeover to boost her self-esteem. Meanwhile, Junior gets himself locked in a girl's locker after a unfortunate attempt to steal her bra. 37 26 "The Bowling Show" Sheldon Epps Valencia Parker May 8, 2002 (2002-05-08) W738 The Tylers and The Kyles go at it in a game of bowling. All this is going on during Star Trek night. Junior meanwhile develops a crush on the Tylers' daughter and can't work up the courage to ask her out. 38 27 "Jr. Gets His License" Rob Schiller James Vallely May 15, 2002 (2002-05-15) W741 Jr. gets his license and buys an old clunker instead of what Michael chooses for Jr. 39 28 "Anniversary (Part 1)" Will Mackenzie Kim Wayans May 22, 2002 (2002-05-22) W739 Michael and Janet's 15th anniversary is approaching. Jay's girlfriend Wanda brings her Brian McKnight's tickets (a concert Jay was really looking forward to see), but unfortunately she has to turn it down because it's on the same night as their anniversary. Wanda says Michael will forget about it, but Jay refuses to believe in that and even has the kids spy on him to find out if he's secretly planning something. 40 29 "Anniversary (Part 2)" Will Mackenzie Kim Wayans May 22, 2002 (2002-05-22) W740 The anniversary day finally comes and Michael goes out to play golf, leaving Jay devastated at home. Later, she goes out for drinks with her girlfriend Wanda, who insists Jay should confront Michael. When she gets home, she starts to punch him with the Ali signed boxing gloves she bought for Michael, and he reveals he was just faking it all along with Wanda's help. He gets down on his knee and proposes to Jay. They have a vow renewal ceremony with the presence of Brian McKnight and renew their vows and reaffirm their love for each other. Season 3 Noah Gray-Cabey begins a recurring role as Franklin this season. Series # Season # Title Directed by Written by Original air date Prod. code 41 1 "The Kyles Go to Hawaii (Part 1)" Andy Cadiff Dean Lorey & James Vallely September 25, 2002 (2002-09-25) W742 The Kyles are leaving for their family vacation on Hawaii, but instead of taking only one flight straight to the island, Michael thought it would be a good idea to make a quick tour around the country, so they make stops at New York, Chicago, Denver and other cities before they get to Hawaii (two days later). 42 2 "The Kyles Go to Hawaii (Part 2)" Andy Cadiff Dean Lorey & James Vallely September 25, 2002 (2002-09-25) W743 Michael and Janet decide to go out on a romantic dinner, leaving their kids all alone. Claire and Jr. fight over who'll have to stay in the room babysitting for Kady, but Claire lets her brother get out of the duty, after all it's not often he gets a date. Kady and Claire decide to spend their times on the hotel's spa, while at the dinner table Jay and Michael both struggle to say no to the temptations they meet – a female underwear model and a male chest/abs model. When they go back to the hotel, they find their three kids resting peacefully so they decide to extend their night at the beach, celebrating their second honeymoon. 43 3 "The Kyles Go to Hawaii (Part 3)" Andy Cadiff Dean Lorey & James Vallely October 2, 2002 (2002-10-02) W744 A mad scramble ensues when Michael finds out that the family's flight home from Hawaii leaves much earlier than he thought, but matters are complicated when a love-smitten Jr. insists on staying with his new love, Leilani. Meanwhile Kady refuses to leave without her beloved doll, Little Pippy, and Claire has to go to extremes to keep her parents from finding out about her exorbitant hotel charges. 44 4 "Samba Story" Andy Cadiff Kim Wayans October 9, 2002 (2002-10-09) W745 Tired of the same dinner-and-a-movie routine, Jay convinces Michael to take dancing lessons to spice up their relationship. When they get there, only more problems waits for Michael. Meanwhile, Claire's accepted into the cheerleading squad, but won't believe she only got in for her looks and not for her talent. 45 5 "Diary of a Mad Teen" Andy Cadiff Craig Wayans October 16, 2002 (2002-10-16) W747 While making Claire's bed, Jay finds her diary hidden under the mattress. She can't resist the temptation of reading it and is quite shocked to learn that her daughter is thinking about taking the next step with Tony. Meanwhile, Michael is scheduled for an appointment with the eye doctor even though he insists there's nothing wrong with his sight. He decides to have Jr. drive him there so he can test his driving abilities for an upcoming date with a girl. All Kady wants to do is play hide-and-seek... 46 6 "Claire's New Boyfriend" Andy Cadiff Damien Wayans October 23, 2002 (2002-10-23) W748 After Michael admits liking Claire's boyfriend, Tony (Andrew McFarlane), she dumps him. The poor kid is devastated, and since Michael likes him so much he decides he's going to help Tony win Claire back – especially after seeing her new boyfriend, Jason. Meanwhile, Jay refuses to admit she looks like Jr.'s drawing of her. Instead, she believes she looks more like Halle Berry. Crouching Mother, Hidden Father 48 8 "The Fighting Kyles" Andy Cadiff Buddy Johnson November 6, 2002 (2002-11-06) W746 Sick and tired of listening to their kids fights, Michael and Jay act like they are fighting themselves so Jr. and Claire can see how annoying it is and quit it. But the three Kyle children get the wrong idea and think their parents are splitting up, and try their best to bond them and end the fake fights. 49 9 "Sister Story" Andy Cadiff Kim Wayans November 13, 2002 (2002-11-13) W750 Michael's sister Kelly (Vivica A. Fox) is coming over for the weekend, which freaks Jay out because every time Kelly comes over she overstays her welcome and always gets on Jay's nerves. Things heat up when Kelly brings up Sharon, Michael's old girlfriend and Kelly's best friend... Jr.'s Dating Dilemma Jay the Artist 52 12 "Chair Man of the Board" Andy Cadiff Janis Hirsch December 4, 2002 (2002-12-04) W753 Michael's old friend Tommy (Mos Def) is coming over and Michael is very excited because he and Tommy used to compete for everything. But his excitement soon turns into awkwardness when Tommy comes in on a wheelchair and Michael doesn't know how to act with the situation. Meanwhile, Claire is caught shoplifting and gets grounded for it. When she confronts Kady about who put the nail polishers in her purse she feels so guilty she confesses to their parents that Claire didn't do it. The punishment? She will no longer be treated like a baby. 53 13 "Open Your Heart" Damien Wayans Kim Wayans December 11, 2002 (2002-12-11) W754 Jay decides to attend an "Open Your Heart" seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business selling monkeyfish like he did. Jr., instead of the monkeyfish, decides to get 100% refunds on the clothes Claire buys with a 40% discount at the store she's working. When Jr. gets caught, Claire gets fired and Michael punishes him by making him wear the clothes he wanted refund. 54 14 "Michael's Tribe" Damien Wayans James Vallely December 18, 2002 (2002-12-18) W755 Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Claire and "the new Tony" plan to stay out all night themselves: they're plotting to sneak out to a 'rave' which all goes horribly wrong and Claire gets grounded for her actions. Blackout 56 16 "Man of the Year" Andy Cadiff Kim Wayans January 29, 2003 (2003-01-29) W758 Jay nominates Michael for the "Small Businessman of the Year" award and he assumes he's going to win it. Meanwhile, Claire helps herself to items from Jay's makeup bag once too often and ends up grounded. 57 17 "Jr.'s Risky Business (Part 1)" Damien Wayans Rodney Barnes February 5, 2003 (2003-02-05) W756 As a very impressed Michael sees it, his son's girlfriend, Vanessa (Meagan Good) is an absolute prize: "She's beautiful, smart, personable and polite... you guys have nothing in common," he tells Jr. But there's something about her that rubs Jay the wrong way. Elsewhere in the courtship department, Kady's similarly smart and personable gentleman caller is a budding piano prodigy named Franklin. As for Claire, all she's courting is a severe case of nerves: the PSATs are coming up and her face has broken out in hives. 58 18 "Jr.'s Risky Business (Part 2)" Andy Cadiff Rodney Barnes February 12, 2003 (2003-02-12) W759 After walking in on Jr. and his girlfriend having sex on his bed, Michael decides that he and Junior can no longer live under the same roof and throws his son out. Feeling sympathetic for her baby, Jay opposes to Michael's attitude, but at the same time agrees the boy needs a severe punishment. She makes Jr. stay in a tent in the backyard until she can cool things down with Michael... 59 19 "Jury Duty" Andy Cadiff Dean Lorey February 26, 2003 (2003-02-26) W760 Michael and Jay are asked to serve jury duty together. Michael's elected foreman and wants to move on the trial quickly so he can get home to watch the Godfather marathon on TV. But Jay won't vote guilty because she thinks there has to be a debate first. Thanks to that, Michael has to rent the videos and at the store, he meets an insurance salesman whom he mistakes for a mobster, and is convinced that the mob is after him due to the case. 60 20 "Here Comes Da Judge" Andy Cadiff William Jay Bennett & Kevin Carraway March 5, 2003 (2003-03-05) W761 When Jr and Claire find a lost wallet containing $500, it's time for a session of "family court" to decide who gets the money. Meanwhile, Claire's boyfriend Tony induces her to become a vegetarian. 61 21 "Claire's Permit" Andy Cadiff Bill Vallely March 26, 2003 (2003-03-26) W762 Claire has taken her driving permit, but Michael won't lend her the car because he doesn't think she can drive very well. Nevertheless, Claire steals the car keys thinking if she goes out really quick while her parents are gone they will never notice. Unfortunately, she drives by them on her way to meet her friends, and Michael decides to teach her a lesson the Michael Kyle way: stealing the car and making Claire feel guilty about it. 62 22 "Sharon's Picture" Ron Moseley Kim Wayans April 9, 2003 (2003-04-09) W765 Jay gets mad at Michael after finding a photo of an attractive former girlfriend among his things but he throws it away and has a romantic night with Jay in a fancy restaurant. Franklin has trouble admitting that his little sister Aretha is an outstanding singer. 63 23 "Tee for Too Many" Peter Filsinger Alyson Fouse April 30, 2003 (2003-04-30) W766 Jay decides to spend more quality time with Michael - by watching him play golf. Meanwhile, Jr., who only wants to go to college because Vanessa's going, asks Franklin for help with the application essay and Franklin's advice to Junior was to write down what inspired him. 64 24 "The Big Bang Theory" Andy Cadiff Craig Wayans & Damon Wayans, Jr. May 7, 2003 (2003-05-07) W763 Michael and Jay panic when Claire reveals that she and Tony have decided to have sex. Her parents try by all means to change their minds and stop them. 65 25 "Not So Hostile Takeover" Guy Distad Valencia Parker May 14, 2003 (2003-05-14) W764 Claire comes home with the exciting news that she was invited to senior prom. Jay is excited about it and volunteers to chaperone at the dance, in order to keep Claire safe from her date, a senior quarterback. Meanwhile, Junior falls into another one of Michael's plans once he tries to teach him a lesson about money management. 66 26 "Graduation (Part 1)" Eric Laneuville Don Reo May 21, 2003 (2003-05-21) W767 Jr.'s graduation is coming up, and he breaks the news to his family that he wants to go to college. At first shocked, Michael decides to help him make a good impression. Meanwhile, Claire wears a blonde wig to call her parents attention, thinking she has been forgotten now that Jr. is in the spotlight. Franklin applies for the soon available 'son' spot in the Kyle family. 67 27 "Graduation (Part 2)" Eric Laneuville Don Reo May 21, 2003 (2003-05-21) W768 Junior finally graduates, and his parents give him a trip to Japan as a gift – and as a way to separate Junior and Vanessa, who are planning on moving in together and getting married as soon as they start college. Both Kady and Claire admit their sadness on Junior leaving, and Michael and Jay feel proud of having raised a semi-successful child. They go out to relive some of their memories and when they come back late at night they find Junior and Vanessa sitting in the kitchen... Season 4 Series # Season # Title Directed by Written by Original air date Prod. code 68 1 "From Dummy to Daddy" Eric Laneuville Don Reo September 24, 2003 (2003-09-24) W769 After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklin is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family. Note: The role of Vanessa Scott is now played by Brooklyn Sudano, replacing Meagan Good. 69 2 "The Sweet Hairafter" Eric Laneuville Kevin Knotts September 24, 2003 (2003-09-24) W770 Michael meets his friend Jimmy at the golf club and is impressed with how much hair he's grown with the help of some "miracle" pills called "Hair It 'Tis". As he starts to take them in overdose, weird stripes of hair rise from his chronically bald head. He also starts to get paranoid that Jay is trying to kill him after they take out life insurance. Meanwhile, Kady becomes very jealous of Claire when she volunteers to be on the big sister program. 70 3 "Jr. Executive" Eric Laneuville Kevin Rooney October 1, 2003 (2003-10-01) W771 Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr. however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Elsewhere Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room. 71 4 "Jay Goes to School" Damien Wayans Kim Wayans October 8, 2003 (2003-10-08) W772 Jay decides to go to college and get her psychology degree, which Michael fully reprehends her for. He doesn't want her to put the household second because it would jeopardize the entire family and eventually could ruin their marriage. After going to a real psychologist, Michael and Jay come to terms and she agrees to scale back her classes as he decides to let her pursue her dream. Meanwhile, Junior's friends turn his old crib into some sort of vehicle. Meet the Parents 73 6 "He's Having a Baby" Damien Wayans Aeysha Carr October 22, 2003 (2003-10-22) W774 Worried about Junior's fathering skills, Michael decides to enroll him in a parenting course. Junior is reluctant to attend, so Michael gives him a water balloon that Junior should keep for a week as if it was the baby. If it breaks, he'll have to attend the course. Michael doesn't let Junior have it easy, and Junior insists that more than wanting to teach him how to be a good parent, Michael doesn't have any trust in him. 74 7 "The Funeral" Damien Wayans James Vallely October 29, 2003 (2003-10-29) W775 The Kyles are willing to support Michael's inconsolable employee, Larry (Sean Whalen), who can't get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks little Kady to kiss his "Grammy" goodbye and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmother's favorite R&B song for the last time. 75 8 "Ultrasound" Dean Lorey Dean Lorey November 5, 2003 (2003-11-05) W776 The Kyles and Vanessa's parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the baby's sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether he's having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. But, unwillingly Michael blurts it out that the baby is a boy. Meanwhile, Franklin freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to "Smilin' Willie" and tries to learn how to be a dance master. 76 9 "Marathon" While Out 78 11 "Michael's Band" Guy Distad Damien Wayans November 26, 2003 (2003-11-26) W779 When Michael's old friend and former bandmate, Johnny "Saxophone" Watson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnny's piano player can't make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the man's place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have got rusty. 79 12 "The Lady is Not a Tramp" Peter Filsinger Rodney Barnes December 10, 2003 (2003-12-10) W780 Michael's imagination takes off when he finds a package of condoms in daughter Claire's backpack — the same day her boyfriend, Tony, is returning from a month in the desert. Annoyed that her father is jumping to conclusions, Claire decides to give him a taste of his own unique brand of discipline. Meanwhile Jr. accidentally gives Kady his pet dog's medicine — and Kady pretends to turn into a dog. 80 13 "Of Mice and Men" Ron Moseley Valencia Parker December 17, 2003 (2003-12-17) W781 When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home. 81 14 "Moving on Out" Ron Moseley Craig Wayans January 7, 2004 (2004-01-07) W782 Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer… except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.'s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessa's families come to visit the couple's new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance. 82 15 "Candy Wars" Dean Lorey Dean Lorey & James Vallely January 14, 2004 (2004-01-14) W783 When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michael's help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last year's winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars. 83 16 "Jr. Sells His Car" Damien Wayans Don Reo January 21, 2004 (2004-01-21) W784 Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid. 84 17 "The Anniversary Present" Damien Wayans Elvira Wayans & Damien Wayans February 11, 2004 (2004-02-11) W785 Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they don't receive the wedding anniversary gifts they are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklin's help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents' anniversary present. 85 18 "Illegal Smile" Kim Wayans Kevin Rooney February 18, 2004 (2004-02-18) W786 The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michael's cell mate, Big Guy, thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him. 86 19 "Outbreak Monkey" George O. Gore II Kerry Parker February 25, 2004 (2004-02-25) W787 When an ecstatic Michael scores a ticket to see basketball star LeBron James play at Madison Square Garden, his excitement quickly turns to paranoia when, just days before the game, everyone in the Kyle household – except Michael – comes down with the flu. To ensure that he won't miss the game, he goes to absurd extremes to keep from getting sick, including spraying disinfectant on his family and using a ten-foot grabber to hand Jay her orange juice. 87 20 "Empty Nest (Part 1)" Peter Filsinger Kevin Rooney March 3, 2004 (2004-03-03) W788 During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist. 88 21 "Empty Nest (Part 2)" Peter Filsinger Kevin Rooney March 3, 2004 (2004-03-03) W789 Michael and Jay look back on the fun times they have had. 89 22 "Calvin Comes to Stay" Damien Wayans Rodney Barnes March 10, 2004 (2004-03-10) W790 Calvin, Vanessa's gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home. 90 23 "Calvin Goes to Work" Eric Laneuville Rodney Barnes March 31, 2004 (2004-03-31) W791 When Calvin begs to Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvin's way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper. 91 24 "Romantic Night" Dean Lorey Dean Lorey April 21, 2004 (2004-04-21) W792 Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other – but can't find the key – and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down. 92 25 "The Director" Dean Lorey Dean Lorey April 28, 2004 (2004-04-28) W793 In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kady's first steps, which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklin's help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history. 93 26 "The Maid" 94 27 "Hand Model" James Valelley Dean Lorey May 12, 2004 (2004-05-12) W795 In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claire's modelling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the family's new financial asset – his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kady's friendship with Rachel, so on Jr.'s advice, he takes matters into his own hands. 95 28 "What Do You Know?" Craig Wayans Elvira Wayans & Damien Wayans May 19, 2004 (2004-05-19) W796 The family plays a game which shows them exactly how much they know about each other. 96 29 "The Baby (Part 1)" Kim Wayans Kim Wayans & Kevin Knotts May 26, 2004 (2004-05-26) W797 Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze (Kelly Coffield Park), a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation. Note: Damon Wayans and Kelly Coffield Park were both cast members on In Living Color. 97 30 "The Baby (Part 2)" Damien Wayans Don Reo May 26, 2004 (2004-05-26) W798 Michael writes a script for the time before Vanessa gives birth. But finally, when its time for a new life to be born, Claire took the only car to the mall, no one follows the script, and Vanessa ends up having the new baby in the parents' bed, the same place the baby was conceived. Season 5 2004–2005Series # Season # Title Directed by Written by Original air date Prod. code 98 1 "Fantasy Camp" Dean Lorey Don Reo & Kerry Parker September 21, 2004 (2004-09-21) W799 Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that there's been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol. 99 2 "Childcare Class" Kim Wayans Rodney Barnes September 28, 2004 (2004-09-28) W800 Michael fails a child-care course for grandparents, so Vanessa and Jr. refuse to let him baby-sit his grandchild for the rest of the week. Note: This marks a reunion between guest star Kim Coles and Damon Wayans. The two co-starred together in the first season of In Living Color. 100 3 "Class Reunion" Damien Wayans Craig Wayans & Damien Wayans October 5, 2004 (2004-10-05) W801 Michael is reluctant to attend his high-school reunion until a former rival challenges him to a dance-off. 101 4 "The Fellowship of the Baby" Damien Wayans Damien Wayans October 12, 2004 (2004-10-12) W802 When an overwhelmed Jr. thinks he is not smart enough to take care of his own son, Michael tells Jr. that "Jr., Jr." is a "magic baby," and that every time he holds him, it will make Jr. smarter. The ploy works, but in the process Jr. becomes somewhat arrogant with his new-found knowledge, so Michael brings Franklin in so that the two geniuses can match wits. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking back into her bedroom after hours and threatens to tell their parents, unless Claire does some favors for her. 102 5 "Poker Face" Damien Wayans Valencia Parker October 19, 2004 (2004-10-19) W803 Michael advises Jr. that it's ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jay's all-female book club, where they're discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux. 103 6 "The Proposal" Guy Distad Kerry Parker November 9, 2004 (2004-11-09) W804 Jr. is finally ready to propose to Vanessa, but every time he tries to do so, something interrupts him, including Michael and Jay - who are preparing to compete against each other in a karaoke competition. 104 7 "Restaurant Wars" Damien Wayans Lisa D. Hall November 16, 2004 (2004-11-16) W805 At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put "Jay's Soooooouuuul Kitchen" out of business. 105 8 "The Return of Bobby Shaw" Damien Wayans Craig Wayans & Damien Wayans November 23, 2004 (2004-11-23) W806 Michael's enemy Bobby Shaw, tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave for the rest of his life! When Michael tries to get him out of the contract, they end up in a rap off. 106 9 "The Wedding" Dean Lorey Rodney Barnes November 30, 2004 (2004-11-30) W807 Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to get married in two weeks, Vanessa having told Jr. that she wants a small, simple wedding. Michael and Jay offer to help plan it, but instead of something simple and sweet, they plan an elaborate and expensive ceremony that includes dolphins, a castle, and 751 guests. Frustrated, Vanessa tells Jr. he needs to regain control of things, forcing him to decide whether he should stand up to Michael. 107 10 "Careful What You Wish For" Peter Filsinger Valencia Parker January 11, 2005 (2005-01-11) W808 When Jay wishes that Michael would give her the kind of romantic attention that she sees newlywed Vanessa getting from Jr., Michael decides to kill Jay with kindness so he can get back to watching TV and ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin tells Kady that he thinks he's too short and goes to great lengths to appear otherwise. 108 11 "They Call Me El Foosay" Guy Distad Kevin Knotts January 18, 2005 (2005-01-18) W809 When Vanessa innocently buys Jr. a foosball game, Jr. discovers his competitive nature and becomes obnoxious when he wins. When Michael challenges Jr. and wins, he initially wants to teach his son a lesson about being a good winner. But then when Michael continues to win, his "fatherly lesson" goes out the window and instead he becomes obsessed with playing foosball. Desperate, the Kyles have to come up with a plan to break the game's hold on Michael. They send Franklin (AKA El Foosay) to teach Michael a lesson. 109 12 "Study Buddy" Ron Moseley Kim Wayans January 25, 2005 (2005-01-25) W810 Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final which is the week after! He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more "brainy." 110 13 "Sweetheart's Day" Ron Moseley Dean Lorey February 1, 2005 (2005-02-01) W811 When Jay insists that Michael buy her a present for "Sweetheart's Day," a reluctant Michael comes up with a scheme to base the price of Jay's gift on her attitude towards him at a particular moment. He shares his plan with Jr., Tony and Franklin, hoping that they will follow his lead, but it leads straight to trouble. 111 14 "Silence is Golden" Kim Wayans Kim Wayans February 8, 2005 (2005-02-08) W813 Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence. 112 15 "The Bahamas (Part 1)" Dean Lorey Don Reo February 15, 2005 (2005-02-15) W814 When the Kyles arrive at the Atlantis Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for their family vacation, Michael announces that all he wants to do is get some rest and relaxation-by himself. But no sooner does he settle into his lounge chair for some peace and quiet than his talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy, shows up and insists that they spend time together. Michael is relieved to find a way out when Jay invites him to the isolated Magic Island so they can have some romantic fun. As their day winds down and it's time to leave, the boat never shows up to take them back and the couple find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere. 113 16 "The Bahamas (Part 2)" Dean Lorey Don Reo February 22, 2005 (2005-02-22) W815 While at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for a family vacation, lovebirds Michael and Jay find themselves stranded on the isolated Magic Island - along with a rapidly rising tide -- and the only other person there who can help them is Michael's talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy - who refuses to do so since they weren't willing to spend time with him when they had the chance. Meanwhile, Jr. leaves Vanessa and the baby behind so he can enjoy the resort's activities; Tony and Claire hang out at the beach bar and she realizes too late that her island drink contains alcohol; and Kady and Franklin run into his nemesis, Francesco Mumfordi, who has stolen one of Franklin's theories. 114 17 "The Remodel" James Wilcox Ron Zimmerman March 1, 2005 (2005-03-01) W816 Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.'s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin - who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue. 115 18 "Michael Joins a Gym" George O. Gore II Kim Wayans & Kevin Knotts March 8, 2005 (2005-03-08) W817 The same day Michael realizes he can't fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesn't look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryl's help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff. Meanwhile, Franklin fails his first test and fears that Kady will no longer accept him. 116 19 "Celibacy" Vito Giambalvo Elvira Wayans March 15, 2005 (2005-03-15) W818 When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael. 117 20 "Jr's Cartoon" Randy Fletcher Kim Wayans March 29, 2005 (2005-03-29) W819 When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled "My Wife and Kid" - based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family - it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.'s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.'s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some "umph" into their relationship. 118 21 "Michael's Sandwich" Damien Wayans Dean Lorey April 12, 2005 (2005-04-12) W820 Under a time deadline to catch his flight, Michael tries to prepare his signature, masterpiece sandwich to take with him on the plane. But various family distractions delay his getting to the airport, and his beloved sandwich is searched by suspicious security guards. 119 22 "Graduation Day" Craig Wayans Aeysha Carr April 26, 2005 (2005-04-26) W821 It's Jay's college graduation day and Michael is determined to make it go flawlessly - but everything that could go wrong does, and the day seems destined for disaster. To make matters worse, Jay thinks Michael, who didn't want her to go to college in the first place, is trying to sabotage her special day. 120 23 "Michael Sells the Business" Mattie Carruthers Kevin Rooney May 3, 2005 (2005-05-03) W822 With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up - something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw, comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom. 121 24 "RV Dreams" Damien Wayans Kim Wayans & Kevin Knotts May 10, 2005 (2005-05-10) W823 Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together in the R.V. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures including getting lost and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features. Micheal flips open the regulator vents to air out the R.V. and that reasults in the R.V. exploding. 122 25 *The 'V' Story Category:Lists of American television series episodes Category:Lists of sitcom television series episodes